Video: Nick Offerman Recites Some Profound Shower Thoughts [gifs via]
1. Don’t try to piss quietly. Nobody in a public restroom thinks you’re knitting in your stall. They came to piss, just like you. And if you have to take a dump, do it. Get over your fear of public toilets. It’ll make life a lot easier.
2. Masturbate. Masturbate a lot. Talk about it with your friends. You’ve got the right to make yourself feel good and brag about it just like all the boys with extra large kleenex packages on their desks.
3. If you want the large fries, get the large fries. Hunger and appetite are nothing to be ashamed of, just human. Don’t ever feel guilty for eating in front of others. You need to nourish your body to stay alive. We all do.
4. Laugh as loud as you have to, no matter if you snort or gasp or literally scream.
5. Fart when you have to.
6. Always remember you weren’t born to visually please others. Forget the phrase “what if they think it’s ugly”. If you think it’s lovely, it is lovely. You wanna wear it, wear it!
7. Speak your mind! You can learn to do so without insulting others or shoving your opinion down other people’s throats.
there’s a huge difference between “let people do what they choose with their bodies” and “let those 12 year olds have irresponsible sex”
its been 2 days and this has like 50k notes and i’ve only received like 5 hate messages about this u go tumblr u growin up
|aries:||lovable but still a lil bitch|
|taurus:||p cute but probably sacrifices hamsters to satan in their free time|
|gemini:||crayola as fuck|
|cancer:||rude as hell and not to be trusted with shit|
|virgo:||really deep and doesn't take any shit|
|libra:||weird as hell omg|
|sagittarius:||cute and very sweet|
|capricorn:||to be avoided bc they're like taurus but they probs talk about their hamster sacrifices|
|aquarius:||charming but hella strange once you know them|
|pisces:||even more crayola than gemini|
enough about sex positions has anyone discovered a reading position which doesn’t get uncomfortable after 5 minutes